The drinking pair criteria.
First, they can’t look like a drinking pair, then you’re that slob at the resort who’s there to just drink at the pool bar and objectify the .. yeah.
The drinking pair also naturally need a solid base due to potential loss of balance.
Styling. They need that sort of James Bond thing but without the coat, tie and need to blow things up.
It’s all about the faux-casual thong. The strong, I don’t care, but secretly really do care a lot look.
I’m going to try to parlay the drinking pair as also my social ones.
I think this will work, the only misstep I foresee is a social event turned into a “fun day at the beach” thing. Imagine, waking up early, look out window and see beautiful beach, chug a coffee, get in car, drive for 30 minutes, wait for everyone else who couldn’t be bothered to get up on time, drive for another 45 minutes to…get to a beach very similar, in fact identical in all beach criteria (having sand and water) to the one you left behind, but lacking your newly favorite bartender “Billy” and only a public toilet should you have to pay the price of last night’s impulse tequila slammer and stuffed chili – good idea at the time – purchase.
In which case I should have just stayed at the resort, with the Vacation 57 plan.
Final decision – Sanuk
Doing shit pair.
The pure utility here. It’s about not falling down 398 stairs and being able to navigate the pebble beach with ease. Any fashion points earned go out the window as you get the waterfall mist on your fancy flops and end up sliding around as a toddler dipped in Vaseline.
Update: Day 1
The Sanuks certainly set the right tone with the resort crowd.
They understood I have arrived, put the appropriate amount of effort into my footwear and was ready to be casual as need be.
Halfway through the day, working by the beach I switched to Crocs, for the simple reason of possibly needing to go into the water. Holy God I forgot how comfortable these are. I ditched the Sanuks and went all Crocs for the rest of the day.
It’s okay, I look like a silly tourist but I feel like I’m walking on a plush toy. All in, Sanuks – right tone and placement. Crocs, the damn crocs were too comfy to pull off my cold dead feet.
Update: Day 2
Rainy morning – uhoh, darn…looks like I’ll have to put the Crocs on.
As expected, totally bomb proof, zero slippage as I navigate my way down the stairs and to the dining area in the puddles.
Afternoon – the locals are getting judgy.
It’s not obvious, but the guy with all plastic injection molded shoes (me) is certainly being seated in the corner.
I got lazy and began to overstep my friendship with the waitstaff, taking their flood of compliments at face value. I need to check myself and move back to the more appropriate Sanuks for the afternoon and evening events.
Evening – Already I’m getting faster service and fewer dirty looks. The beer is good. Sanuks working.
Update: Day 3
Rolling out with the Sanuks. Good call so far, the staff have not yet rolled their eyes or made that look of disapproval while still smiling as a good employee should.
The rain just came in. Shit. For being a resort, you’d think they’d have put more thought into their water planning.
“Holy God, kids are going down like bowling pins.”
The entire café and pool are surrounded by a nice marble, that even in high humidity begin to take on a light mucus-like film. When these get actually wet…Holy God, kids are going down like bowling pins.
This has forced me into a strong toe curl and walking precision of a drunk bride’s dad down the aisle.
Good thing it was a fast-moving squall that passed through, but I’m thinking of packing my Crocs wherever I go. Probably a bad idea because then the next time some kid goes down, I’ll be inclined to tell them about my Crocs over their writhing cries of pain and “MOMMM!”
Update: Day 4
Drinking pair – CRUSHED it
Update: Day 5
Flying home What to wear…