Flip Flop Daily

This Hurts – Propet Brandon Flip Flops

This Hurts – Propet Brandon Flip Flops

Your therapist called. He’s got a flip flop for you to try.

Few things are as frustrating as paying $150 an hour to a therapist only to have them force you into painful poses and situations to “help you recover.”

The Propet Brandon Flip Flops are that therapist. Upon placing these on my feet, absolutely nothing felt right. It was like I was standing on a balance board with straps designed to jab my feet.

The strap’s traditional role of keeping the shoes on my feet seemed an afterthought. I had to completely relearn how to walk with these on. It was like wearing circus stilts while walking on marbles.

Maybe they just needed a few laps around the block, then I’d really get the feel and suddenly snap into an unpredictable rhythm? Nope.

These felt best using a sort of scurry motion to my walk with neither foot getting more than half an inch off the ground.

Each step required a very deliberate and focused straight forward stride and the concentration and focus of an air traffic controller just to bring the other foot in line.

I haven’t worked this hard at walking since that tequila trampoline party.

After just twenty minutes of dead focus I’d moved only a few painful blocks and nervously prepared a preemptive speech that began, “no Officer, I’ve only had iced tea today.”

I returned home with bleeding feet from the strap, exhausted from what likely appeared to others as my self-administered roadside sobriety test-like stroll but was just what was required from me in order to walk in these…things.

They really messed me up.

Apparently, they are for those with various ailments and are as close as one gets to “prescription flip flops.” In light of this, I can only think that my own experience is akin to wearing someone else’s glasses and then complaining about headaches and dizziness.

Maybe I just didn’t have the right medical condition to wear them?

Their website has links dedicated to how they may help with aliments like; Arch Pain, Plantar Fasciitis, Lower back and knee pain, and even a diabetic approved section.

I can’t verify that they work for any of these since I, thankfully, don’t suffer from any of these ailments.

It’s also possible that I’m just not in their target age group; their USA website has words like; Medicare Approved, Scotchgard, and Ortholite. A perusal of the rest of their footwear line indicates a clear age range in all their marketing – from old to ancient.

With excessive use of the words comfort and Velcro. If this is what it takes to be comfortable to walk when one’s old, then get me a wheelchair.


Flip Flop Verdict

icon review overall performance

Overall Performance — 1.2 out of 5

icon review occasion

Occasion

Self-flagellation?

icon review fit

Fit – 1

Terrible

icon review style

Style – 2

Purpose built

icon review traction

Traction – 1

The soles are sturdy, but somehow the entire combination leads to complete instability

icon review comfort

Comfort1

Rather walk through a colony of fire ants

icon review dudeness

Dudeness – 1

Unless pain and discomfort and the key to enlightenment


Beverage & Music Pairing

icon review music

A box of Geritol

icon review music

Matlock” Theme Song


Get A Pair


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