In 490 BC a man named Pheidippides ran 26 miles to deliver a message. He dropped dead as soon as finished. In 1896, at the cusp of the 20th Century, the International Olympic Committee thought this sounded like great fun and the modern “Marathon” was born.
As best as I can tell, the goal of a marathon is to run the race as quickly as possible, deliver your message and drop dead to end the misery.
Sadly, most people today survive their marathon and don’t stop sharing their message.
We’ve all experienced it while minding our own business at work or a bar. One of the survivors approaches and delivers a variation of the message: “I ran a marathon this weekend”, “I run marathons” or the astoundingly uninteresting, “I’m training for a marathon.”
Sadly, most people survive their marathon and don’t stop sharing their message.
The best way to end the misery of potentially having to listen to them drone on any further is to immediately reply, “why?” and walk away. Marathoners, much like vegans, are typically unprepared for such a response.
At their core, after all, Marathonism and Veganism are desperate cries for attention. It’s best not reward them with interest, feigned or otherwise.
It is with this context that I first encountered the PR//Soles Recovery Flip Flops.
They are billed as post-marathon/running “recovery tools.” If only poor Pheidippides had just slipped on a pair of PR//Soles Recovery Flip Flops after his run, he’d had lived to suck the life out of cocktail parties for years to come, rambling on and on about his marathon.
I wonder if Adidas knows?
The first thing I noticed about these flip flops is the foot bed. It is covered with peaks and divots and looks like it was made from the acoustic foam walls of a sound studio.
The second thing that I notice is the logo. Are these Adidas? No, they aren’t. But wait, are they? No, definitely not. But man, that logo sure looks…umm…similar. I wonder if Adidas knows?
The information about these shoes on the first website that popped up when I googled them reads like a transcript of nightmarish small talk at a forced social function; “…inspired by ancient and modern knowledge of pressure points…’ trigger’ nerve endings…pressure points are the portal for…” Just shut up.
You can achieve the same experience at home by tossing a handful of pebbles into your shoes, sliding your feet in and going for a walk around the block. I imagine that this may feel better than running a marathon.
Much like the man, who when asked why he was hitting his head with a hammer, replied, “because it feels so good when I stop.” My suggestion is to skip the marathon and these flip flops all together.
Flip Flop Verdict
Overall Performance — 2 out of 5
Fit – 3
They’re my size I guess
Style – 2
Traction – 2
Comfort – 0
Like a shoe full of pebbles
Dudeness – 1
The Dude doesn’t run marathons