Growing up, I always thought Heelys were the be all and end all of skating without skates. As a kid, I had always wanted a pair. Seeing all the other cool kids glide around campus made me incredibly jealous. I would think to myself, “Without Heelys, I will never be that cool.” And while I may never be that cool, the Panama Jack Ladies Floral Low Wedge Comfort Flip Flop Beach Sandals definitely allowed me to glide across the floor without a hitch. One might even say I was more graceful than a swan on water.
Let’s rewind a little bit.
I snagged these flip flops and packed them for my flight to Dumaguete City, Philippines – the perfect destination for beach going and island hopping. I was fully intending to take these on a salty journey across the coast of the great Pacific Ocean, and by God, that’s exactly what I did. The morning after I landed, a friend and I set off for Oslob to swim with some whale sharks. To get there, we had to take a barge across the salty waters, and even though my flip flops hadn’t touched water yet, they were beginning to get a taste for their upcoming debut.
I felt strange wearing these. They weren’t necessarily uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t choose to wear them. Kind of like that hoodie your ex gave you that you keep in the back of your closet – it looks and feels fine, but you just kind of don’t want to wear it… maybe ever again? I kind of got that vibe. They’re just not the kind of flip flop you’d wear to impress a date.
Not long after this contemplation, we arrived. It was time for me to christen these bad boys. I sank my feet into the sand and found myself releasing a sigh of relief. They felt comfortable, even when I was stepping onto the uneven surface. I didn’t feel like I was sinking into a bottomless pit of mud or struggling to walk. The straps weren’t too loose or too tight, either, and there was just enough squishiness that it didn’t feel like I was stepping on a brick. I was happy.
The rest of the trip was pleasant. I waded in the water in my new flip flops to get to the boat and left them onboard as my friend and I swam with the whale sharks. The view was awesome and watching them eat was incredible. When we were done, I fished the Panama Jacks from the depths of the boat – they floated towards me as if called by my presence.
We dried off and, walking towards the car, I noticed it. I was flying. Gliding. It felt as if my feet were off the ground. It took me a few moments to realize it, but suddenly I was acutely aware that my Panama Jacks had no traction whatsoever. They slid across the ground with ease – an accident waiting to happen. Needless to say, I took them off as soon as I possibly could. (I’m clumsy enough without death trap flip flops.)
After all that, I can say these flip flops are… well, they’re fine. Nothing super special in any particular area, and definitely not lax enough to warrant a high score in the ‘dude’ department. However, they served their purpose, and if you’re ever looking for a replacement for Heelys… these flip flops will do the trick – whether you want them to or not.
Flip Flop Verdict
Overall Performance — 2.6 out of 5
Impressing your date with these debatably stylish Heely replacements
Fit – 4
Just as advertised
Style – 2
Traction – 1
Watch out Heelys, here it comes
Comfort – 4
Comfy even when walking on sand
Dudeness – 2