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Havaianas Top Max Review – This Is Why…

What do obnoxious tourists, drunk frat boys, and Havaianas Top Max flip flops all have in common? They are the reason people hate tourists, drinking, or flip flops. 

There’s nothing more embarrassing when visiting a foreign country than running into one of your own people acting like a complete ass.

This tourist is the reason that those people will hate his countrymen. And who could blame them? Which is why when in this situation, it is critical that you do your part and go out of your way to be the best version of yourself and of your people. Be overly nice, make it clear that even the folks back home think that guy is a jerk.

It’s in such situations that over-tipping and buying a round of drinks can go a long way to smooth international relations. 

Let’s start with their ugly and clumsily clunky styling. 

Likewise, which of you in your adult life, would order Jägermeister at an important business dinner, first date, or socially significant gathering? None of you.

Why? Because drunk frat boys have ruined Jägermeister, specifically, and shots, generally, for everyone. Their bro’d up, high fiving, drunken jags have made even the most innocent and moderate shot of Jägermeister a pariah. Thanks jerks. 

In the same way, the Havaianas Top Max flip flops are everything that flip flop haters hate. 

Let’s start with their ugly and clumsily clunky styling.  

Mine are all black and all bad. They are bulky and cheaply made and as uninspired and bland as vanilla ice milk. The all rubber strap penetrates the onepiece footbed in an oddly aggressive and halfassed attempt to connect it to the rest of the shoe. 

On the bottom of the flop, the straps nubs, meant to keep the strap from pulling back up through the hole in the sole, either protrude too far or not far enough through the shoe. The result is a visual definition of shoddy work. 

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The traction is fine, but not great. But the oafishly thick and floppy rubber footbed makes for some very close calls. The toe portion of the sole flexes and flaps so much with each step that it will occasionally catch on the ground causing a moment of complete and unexpected terror as you try to keep from falling flat on your face.  

As if all that weren’t enough, they are incredibly uncomfortable. This is due mainly to the all-in-one rubber strap and toe-post. I’m often told by people that the reason they don’t like flip flops is because the “thing between the toes” (toe post) is uncomfortable.

These suckers hurt and, if rubbed the wrong way, feel like they’re trying to rip the skin from your feet.

I’ve only experienced this once before and that was in a pair of Havaianas “Urban Craft” flip flops. This must be a Havaianas feature because the Top Max has the same problem.

Yet this time it is due to the hardness and thickness of the rubber toe post. It’s is painfully uncomfortable and shows no signs of ever breaking in or becoming remotely comfortable. It’s awful. What’s more, the grade of the rubber used on the strap is the sort that could do double duty at a waxing salon if only it stopped at pulling out just body hair.

These suckers hurt and, if rubbed the wrong way, feel like they’re trying to rip the skin from your feet.  

After reviewing two pair of Havaianas flip flops, what I still can’t understand is why so many people tell me that I must review them and that they are so great? Are they the same jackass drunk frat boy tourists that I’ve seen the world over? Or have they just been traumatized by them? Whatever the case, they’re giving flip flops a very bad name.

I’m so sorry that you had to encounter a Havaianas flip flop. Flip flops aren’t usually this bad, in fact most other flip flops are good and kind and comfortable. Drinks are on me.


Flip Flop Verdict

icon review overall performance

Overall Performance – 1.6 out of 5

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Occasion

Ruining it for everyone else

icon review fit

Fit – 3

Ok, they fit, sort of

icon review style

Style – 2

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As uninspired and depressing as vanilla ice milk

icon review traction

Traction – 1

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Fine until they try and throw you into the pavement face first

icon review comfort

Comfort 1

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Toe post is horribly painfull and the strap can remove skin when rubbed wrong

icon review dudeness

Dudeness – 1

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The Dude isn’t a jackass


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